7: Earth: The Scientists Lied

Science states that mankind cannot be traced beyond 200,000 years ago. They claim that is the oldest known fossil that can be linked back to the human race. The problem is we don’t always believe science. Sometimes out gut instincts tell us something completely different, and I think we will all agree this 200,000 years thing is bullshit. The reason is… humans are just tourists.

Barbie is on every continent of the globe. I have seen pictures of penguins playing with Barbie in Antarctica, it’s just a fact. Many people will try to credits humans, and progressive economic ventures, for the widespread notoriety of Barbie. But look at us, tooting our horns like we have anything to be proud of. Barbie was here long before any of the humans. The reason she is on every continent is because she was here, with Ken, while Earth consisted of Pangaea. For you science buffs, that is over 200 million years ago.

Further scientific experiments examine the non-biodegradable nature of Barbie’s plastic. The only way Barbie has been able to get onto every continent of planet Earth, is because she was already here when the landforms separated, and her non-biodegradable plastic has withstood every type of evolutionary extreme.

Furthermore, it is secretly argued amongst scientists that Barbie, not man, is truly at the top of the food chain. We certainly cannot eat her. We can throw her away, but she isn’t going to go anywhere (and why would we ever want to do that). We kill each other off in wars while Barbie remains unharmed. And after the blasts of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, it is rumored that the only thing to survive within the blast zone, was Barbie.

There is a reason why we, as humans, are inherently drawn to idolize Barbie. She is our landlord, our guidance counselor, and thankfully our friend. Her wisdom is drawn from experience and her appearance from practice. We can try to compete with Barbie but we will fail. We need to recognize we are not the superior beings we think we are, and bow down to the true monarch of the food chain- Barbie.

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